Oh, what a groundbreaking revelation from the world of science: losing a spouse might not turn you into a weakling or make you forget where you left your keys! In a thrilling historical cohort study involving 5,739 participants aged between 50-70 years, researchers embarked on a quest to uncover the mystical effects of spousal bereavement on physical and cognitive capabilities. They meticulously gathered data from the Tromsø study, spanning years that saw the rise of the internet and the fall of many a Tamagotchi pet.

Participants, who had previously shared their overall health and various health-related factors, were put through a series of tests that would make even a high school gym teacher proud: grip strength (because you never know when you’ll need to open a stubborn jar), finger tapping (essential for impatient elevator users), digit symbol coding (for those secret agent moments), and short-term recall (useful for remembering why you walked into a room).

After applying the magical tool of propensity score matching and adjusting for those pesky baseline confounders (and even baseline capability in a select group, because why not), the researchers discovered—drumroll, please—that spousal bereavement had no significant effect on grip strength, immediate recall, or finger-tapping speed. However, there was a brief moment of excitement when they found a negative effect on the digit symbol coding test, but alas, after adjusting for baseline performance, that too vanished into the ether (ATT changed from -1.29 to a whopping -0.04).

So, after years of data collection and analysis, the conclusion is as clear as day: losing a spouse doesn’t necessarily doom you to physical or cognitive decline. Who would have thought? Well, probably anyone who’s ever met a spry widow or widower living their best life post-bereavement. But hey, it’s always nice when science catches up with common sense, right?